Guy Wisdom

Locked Out

By Carol H. Pajaron; Illustrations by Glen A. Concio


It has been more than 10 years since Sol*, a 43-year-old freelance researcher, mother of seven, and battered ex-wife, left her husband. But when asked to recall the incidents of physical and emotional abuse that led to their separation, she still breaks into tears.

"Hindi ako matapang, iyakin ako. Siguro wala akong suwerte sa lalaki. Kailangan ko lang tanggapin," admits Sol. "I don't want be a hypocrite and say I don't want to be with someone. But I'm tired. I want to be with someone when I grow old. But I have to accept that it may not happen. My children are the reason I still get up in the morning."

According to psychologist Annabelle Garcia, a counselor at the Women's Crisis Center (WCC) inside the East Avenue Medical Center, Sol's resignation to fate is a common coping mechanism among survivors based on current research. "They think it's normal due to that long-time suffering. They tend to justify the dominant male in that situation, it's like they're entrapped," explains Garcia. "Eventually, they don't want to be stuck."

The advocacy towards curbing domestic violence seems to be mired in a similar fix. Despite the landmark passage of Republic Act (RA) No. 9262 in 2004 which criminalizes violence against women and their children, the latter remains a pressing concern in the Philippines. Statistics from the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) indicate that six out of 10 families are at risk of becoming victims of family violence. Also, a meager 10 percent of abuse cases are reported to the police. "More than a year the law has been implemented but we still see problems," says Garcia. She specifically cites the victim's weak financial capacity as a deterrent to the filing of protection orders, moreso prosecution, against an abusive partner.

Lina*, 56, another domestic violence survivor endured 10 years of abuse in her 12-year marriage. Despite being slapped, punched in the chest, and kicked by her husband on separate occasions, she didn't immediately think of him as a lost cause. "Nag-adjust ako to make the marriage work," says Lina. "I was very loving, because I told myself, ‘He'd be the last man I'd love.'" It was only upon discovery of her husband's sexual advances towards his stepdaughter (Lina's child from a previous marriage) that she sought professional help and support through the WCC. "It's really true at that time, that there's a thin line between love and hate. And it's hard to have those two emotions clash," she says. "But his attempt to rape my daughter…that was a turning point."

"All our social structures are for reconciliation—the law, the church, the family, the school, the community, even the media," explains Garcia. "Oo, gusto natin ng buong pamilya pero tingnan din natin…para siyang inaanay na bahay na anytime will crumble. It only looks good from the outside. Buo nga ang family pero wala namang ginagawang pag-ayos sa problema sa loob. Yung mga bata, laging nasa labas or nagdru-drugs—they find haven in other things. There's no positive effect even on the batterers. They may have the privilege of releasing their anger, the perception that they're winners, but emotionally they're also affected."

Given the prevailing trend of reconciliation between couples in spite of spousal abuse, Romeo Lee, PhD, offers an alternative view. In 2002, Dr. Lee published a research on Males' Perspectives on Gender and Violence, which aimed to address the question: "If men are often the sources of physical violence, why are they excluded from domestic violence programs?"

His 24-month The Filipino Men and Domestic Violence Project (MENDOV) surveyed men in Iloilo, Davao and nearby rural communities regarding their perceptions, attitudes, experiences, and feelings on marriage, family, interpersonal conflict and violence, as well as behavioral change. It also included social intervention, which involved workshops and a follow-up visit with the male participants of the workshops.

 

Dr. Lee, an associate professor of the De La Salle University's (DLSU) Behavioral Sciences Department, defines social intervention as "any form of effort that's meant to change people's knowledge, values, or to offer them skills." These can be in the form of one-on-one counseling, mass media intervention or group workshops.

"I argued that we have to introduce interventions and do studies on men because they are at the heart of the domestic violence phenomenon. They have been identified primarily as the sources of violence. Eight out of 10 of these sources of violence are men…you talk about fathers, uncles, and brothers," says Dr. Lee. "That was the reason why I proposed a study on men. It was meant to examine values, beliefs, and the willingness of men to change their violent behavior."

Another study by DLSU's Social Development Research Center underscores the lack of involvement of Filipino men in women's health initiatives, including research and action projects or interventions on domestic violence. Only six of 20 action projects drew men, while there have been only two documented studies on the subject. Also in such projects, participation was limited to attendance of seminars or orientations, receiving educational materials, counseling or mediation sessions, or membership in community-based task forces.

Dr. Lee adds that in spite of RA 9262, few men are jailed because their wives don't want them there. "If the source of violence remains, unmodified beha-viorally, where would these women and children go?" he offers. "Eventually, they just go back to the [abusive] husband."


Garcia also sees the possibility of reform by directing attention to the traditional socialization of men and women. "Men want to maintain the image that they're macho and superior. On the other hand, women are expected to be subordinate and it's not good to have the opposite image. All the while, we see that there are men who say that it's hard to cope with that social pressure, to maintain that image," she says. "They can't cry, for instance, because they feel society will judge them. Even the acceptance of their weakness, they cover it up. Sadly, to cover it up, the manifestation is violence."

Unfortunately, most of the measures against domestic violence are interim solutions. "Otherwise with only therapy and counseling for the women, the root problem is not being targeted. What will happen? Parang nagba-band aid lang kami sa mga sugat ng mga babae," she says. "Pagbalik nila, nasusugatan na naman sila."

In other countries like the United States, United Kingdom, Canada and Australia, there are behavior modification programs for men even while incarcerated. "In the Philippines, incarceration is a one-stop shop. It's the end of your life. That's what saddens me," says Dr. Lee. "While we recognize the need to punish, we should also recognize the need to give a second chance."

In Australia, however, a study on perpetrator programs revealed that they might hamper criminal justice response to abusers and the protection of women if unmonitored. Another contention is that such programs could redirect resources intended for women and children's services. In the Philippines where the latter is already limited, this is an even more valid concern.

Though the feasibility of perpetrator programs remains debatable in the country and other parts of the world, the idea magnifies the need for long-term solutions to domestic violence. "If you analyze the readiness of the Filipino family in providing support for violent behavior change, I don't think it's there. If you go out of that family system and you look around what's available outside that family, you'll also find that the larger society is not ready to deal with it. What do we have? You see that the male population has to be dealt with using force, like arrest and incarceration. That's the only response," says Dr. Lee. "Counseling or other culturally and socially sensitive interventions for men aren't there. We meet the violence of men with violence. For me, it may be [an option] but it's not the only option."

 

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