Guy Wisdom

Shrug It Off

By Chris Lawson and Andrew Taber; Photographs by Dennis Galante


The desirability of blasting terrorist whack-jobs is one thing almost every guy from Moscow to Manila can agree on. Here's another: stress sucks. But which worries–aside from terrorist whack-jobs–play with our heads the most? To find out we polled the United Nations of Men's Health—readers of 10 of foreign editions, including the US. The responses showed surprising unanimity, and differences. (Who knew our Aussie brothers were so very con­­cerned with wild-animal attacks?) Either way, we're happy to help everybody tackle their problems with tips that span the globe of masculine worry, fantasy, and muscle envy.

Stress Point #1: We all wish we were smarter.

What superpower would you most like to have?

Intelligence ....................32%
Invisibility ....................20
Ability to fly ....................19
Immortality ....................17
Strength ....................6
X-ray vision ....................4
Speed ....................2

Kevin Klein said it for all of us in the movie A Fish Called Wanda: "Don't call me stupid." It's our biggest social fear. The world is ruled by a guy named Gates—empirical evidence that brains trump brawn—so even if you could fly over the Playboy mansion with x-ray vision, the guy with the cunning to wheedle his way inside would still beat you. Think you're smart? Here's how to be smarter: Take a walk. Researchers at the University of Illinois separated 124 subjects into two groups to test the effects of aerobic exercise on smarts. One group walked 45 minutes a day three days a week, while the other group stretched for an hour three times a week. After six months, the walkers scored 15 percent higher on tests designed to measure mental aptitude and the ability to focus. Need a faster brain boost? Sniff a lemon. The scent stimulates your hippocampus, the part of your brain in charge of concentration and thinking skills.

Stress Point #2: We're afraid of beautiful women Who would you rather sit next to on a long airplane flight?

Supermodel ....................32%
Country's leader ....................17
Comedian ....................20
Stock broker ....................9
Sports star ....................12
Pastor/priest ....................5
Cartoon character ....................4
Your boss ....................2

Supermodel is our pick, too. But remember, you're sequestered in a cramped metal box at 30,000 feet. There's nowhere to go if you say the wrong thing. And since most of us freak out when faced with the cute checkout gal at the supermarket, the chances of choking are greater when your seatmate is actually on the cover of the magazine she's reading. Rule of thumb: Don't hit on her; talk to her. She probably heard every line in the book just on her trip to the airport, so surprise her with something refreshing: conversation. Hunt for something you have in common, no matter how small, says Warren Farrell, PhD, an expert on man-woman relations. It establishes common ground, which helps both of you get—and stay—engaged.

Stress Point #3: Death sucks

Which is the worst way to die?

Fire ....................48%
Drowning ....................21
Wild-animal attack ....................17
Freezing ....................7
Plane crash ....................5
Car crash ....................2


Eventually we all have to go, but some causes of death are certainly more palatable than others (we're hoping for "death by Jennifer Lopez"). The winner for "worst," however, was overwhelmingly death by fire—except in Australia, where most respondents (27 percent) said wild-animal attack (understandable, as Russell Crowe is often home on holiday). We can't help down under, but the rest of us can fireproof our lives for a little less. Buy a smoke detector; having one in your home increases your chances of surviving a fire by 50 percent, according to the International Association of Fire Chiefs. Put one on the ceiling of every bedroom in your house—just be sure it's in the middle of the room; smoke detectors look less obtrusive in the ceiling's corner, but that's where there's the least air circulation, meaning the alarm will take longer to activate in the event of a fire.

Stress Point #4: But being broke sucks even more Which would you rather lose?

Which would you rather lose?

Your hair ....................48%
Your job ....................24
Your reputation ....................13
Your partner/spouse ....................8
Life savings ....................7


Most men, it seems, covet their hard-earned cash and significant others. We all know it's harder to find a good woman and a fat savings account than a new job or hairstyle. If forced to decide, the one thing we'd be most willing to give up would be our hair. That's likely because we think there's nothing they can do about it. Well, maybe not. The Japanese believe that eating seaweed prevents hair loss and can help make your current mane thicker. Science backs them up: Seaweed is packed with iodine, a key mineral involved in hair growth. For your daily allotment of 150 micrograms of iodine, dine on sushi rolls, or fish and shrimp, which are also good sources of iodine. Just don't light up after dinner. Research shows that smoking may be as bad for hair as it is for hearts. Smoking makes blood vessels constrict, hindering circulation. Not enough bloodflow to your pate and your hair follicles can age—and fall out—early.

Stress Point #5: We wish we loved our jobs

Which one most closely matches your definition of success?


Wealth ....................17%
Loving your job ....................18
Being a good father ....................13
Being a good husband ....................9
Having trusted friends ....................12
Being a community member ....................13
Good health ....................12
Power ....................7



A good job equals success. Unfortunately, most "good jobs" also come with tons of stress. The best way to beat it: Be the boss, so you can give the stress, not take it. Unfortunately, the trip up the career ladder is filled with clichés. Be the first to arrive and the last to leave. Don't put genitalia on the photocopier. Blah, blah, blah. But if you're creative, there are shortcuts to a corner office. Here's one: We know a man who was promoted to a midlevel gig at a big corporate office. Our guy makes friends with another midlevel guy in a different department, so now there are two guys. Whenever one of them has to circulate a memo, he makes sure the other is always cc'd. That way, when important corporate types see the names of our two heroes copied on every e-mail, they naturally assume they must be important, too.

Stress Point #6: Size does matter Which would you like to be bigger?

Which would you like to be bigger?

Paycheck ....................86%
Penis ....................14


Back in the day, the size of our manhood may have been important criteria for mating and relating. Show yours at the mall now, however, and all it gets you is jail time. Today's measure of a man is his paycheck. Sure, it may not buy happiness, but it does buy a lot of other fun stuff, like a skylight roof over your head and Armani clothes on your back. Worried about your monthly endowment? Here's your strategy for getting more green: Dress the part. "Take clothes cues from your boss and the people one level above you," says Neal Lenarsky, president of Strategic Transitions, Inc., a career-management firm in Los Angeles. If you look the part, your superiors will have an easier time visualizing you in a higher price bracket. And when it comes to asking for the raise, hit your boss up in the morning. Thanks to the circadian rhythms of our body clocks, that's when people are at their most productive and positive, meaning you're more likely to grab a sympathetic ear.

Stress Point #7: We long forbetter bellies

Which would you like to be perfect?

Abdominals ....................69%
Pectorals ....................13
Legs ....................6
Biceps ....................4
Buttocks ....................4
Back ....................4


Great abs. They're the Holy Grail of fitness, made all the more elusive by today's penchant for sedentary desk jobs, supersized french fries, and premium ice cream. Stressed about doing your crunches every single day? Stop worrying. As you do for any other muscle group, it's okay to work your abs just two or three times a week. That's all you need to reap rewards, and the lower frequency may help you keep your motivation. A great exercise to try is negatives. That is, focus on the part of the exercise in which you lower your body; it'll put strain on your abs, making them tighten and encouraging growth. Start in the normal situp position, knees bent and heels on the floor. Roll backward—taking as long as possible—and stop two-thirds of the way to the floor. Pull yourself back up, then repeat.

Stress Point #8: We don't want to get old

What three aspects of aging concern you the most?

Cancer ....................51%
Memory loss ....................43
Loss of energy ....................47
Heart disease ....................32
Sexual dysfunction ....................26
Vision loss ....................27
Loss of attractiveness ....................22
Arthritis ....................19
Hair loss ....................14
Depression ....................13


Getting old ain't for sissies. And what spooks us most is getting the big "C." To ease your troubled mind, get back in the game. A 19-year British study found that men who exercised the hardest had the fewest cancer diagnoses. Which sport? Our pick is tennis. A Johns Hopkins study found that men who played tennis were more likely to continue playing throughout life and therefore had significantly less heart disease than men who played golf and other sports. Play hard several times a week and you lower your risk of both cancer and heart disease.

Stress Point #9: We are family

What element of life 100 years ago would you like to bring back?

More family-centered ....................34%
Community and neighbors ....................22
Less wealth ....................17
More religious values ....................8
Less media ....................11
Less foreign influence ....................7
Less instant communication ....................2


After a hard day of hunting and gathering, most men surveyed would prefer to come home to their castles and kick it family-style with the wife and kids. In order to ensure that someone other than the house pet will be happy to see you walk through the door at night, you must invest some time and energy in those familial relationships. One key: Have more five-minute conversations. If you're running late and the kid comes in while you're shaving, don't tell him to beat it. "Hoist him onto the sink, let him help you lather, and answer his questions—he'll have lots of them," says Robert Frank, PhD, author of Parenting Partners. The payoff: Spontaneous chats bond kids to their dads in ways planned activities can't. And spend time, not money. Money can buy lots: houses, vacations, the silence of witnesses. What it can't buy is a happy family life.

 

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