Guy Wisdom

The Language Of Glasses

The Language Of Glasses
How people handle their specs will tell you more than they want you to know


The latest props in your power play.
What's In A Frame

You've got a treeful of shoes and a drawerful of drawers. Why do you have just one pair of glasses? "Glasses become more of a fashion piece with every single day," says Sheila Vance, CEO and designer of Sama Eyewear in the US. "A person can easily change his look just by changing his frames." What kind of cool do you want to project?
1. SEXY
Choose curved lenses with a smoky black or gray tint, says Vance. "To be mysteriously sexy, pair them with a black plastic frame."

2. AGGRESSIVE
For shades, we like a classic aviator look with dark or mirrored lenses. If you want to show a nice postmillennial anger (think Vin Diesel), Vance recommends thick, black plastic frames. » Guy Wisdom archive
3. GENTLE
Try a rimless style any shape. "Because there's no actual frame, the look’s not as brazen, and it will show off your eyes," says Vance.

4. INTELLIGENT
Go for a vintage, rectangular look (metal or plastic frames). "This style evokes seriousness, stay away from playful colors and shapes," says Vance.

5. OUTGOING

Try an oversize, gold metal frame with mirror-tinted lenses, a good combination for prescription sunglasses.


Francis was a nerdy English professor with a scraggly beard and a sharp wit. Jenny was a Eurasian goddess with Audrey Hepburn looks and an ample breast of literary knowledge. At a recent party, I watched as they parsed nuances within Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. Then Francis doffed his glasses and absentmindedly wiped them with his shirt longer than seemed necessary to clean smudges that may not have been there in the first place.

When Jenny excused herself to go to the powder room, I nudged him. "Why did you take off your glasses? To strategically reveal yourself to myfriend, perhaps?"

"No," he replied, smiling. "I did that when I unzipped my fly."

Ha ha. Except that Francis really did reveal himself, just not in that way (I hope; I didn't look). He also touched himself, but, again, not in that way (although, again, I didn't look). Rather, by removing his glasses and rubbing them with his shirt, he offered himself to Jenny while also lest she didn't return his interest comforting himself with his own touch.

"What someone does with his glasses sends a very powerful message that is understood on the very level from which it is relayed: the unconscious," says anthropologist David Givens, PhD. "Ask him what he's doing and he'll give all sorts of funny answers, because he doesn't have a clue." Gentlemen, prepare for some clues.

SEE THROUGH THE SPECTACLES

These days, millions of Filipinos wear eye-glasses, accounting for the equally large amount that are spent on lenses and frames. This despite the wide availability of LASIK surgery. With numbers like these, how is it possible that so few people know what they're saying when they wear and wield their glasses?

"People have an image in their minds of what glasses represent and how they want to look when they wear them, but they don't have the words to describe what they see," says Jamie Niblock, director of retail operations for eyewear designer Robert Marc in the US. "They don't know the conversation."

Not intellectually, perhaps. But instinctively, many people do. When Francis revealed his naked countenance to Jenny, he was obeying a very primitive social-sexual instinct. Think Clark Kent. Geeks in glasses don't get the girl; manly men who save the world with x-ray vision do even if they're the same guy. Many women insist they love men who wear glasses, because smart and serious is sexy. What they don't admit and may not even know is that while they may love men with glasses, they especially love men with glasses when those men take their glasses off.

"The brain is very sensitive to eye contact," says Givens. When gazing deep into your eyes, women, coworkers, and potential employers aren't considering the color of your orbs as much as they're trying to gauge your honesty, integrity, and sincerity. Glasses blur that.

For proof, ask Jenny. At first uncertain about Francis, at evening's end Jenny let him walk her home, then pressed her phone number into his hand. "He's smart and funny," she said later. Ah, but she knew that when they first met. What she couldn't know until she beheld his bare face, she imparted in a breathy aside: "He has beautiful brown eyes, kind of sparkly, like they were lit from the back. He seems really, I don't know, kind."

Behold, the language of glasses at work. Imagine what riches might come your way if you knew how to use those glasses for more than clear vision. Take these cues for a clue.

EARPIECE IN MOUTH: INSERTING TEMPLE OF GLASSES BETWEEN LIPS OR TEETH

Boardroom: The corporate equivalent of sucking your thumb without appearing weak. "It's a thoughtful gesture, and also one that's self-consoling," says Givens. If you don't immediately know an answer, teething the temple of your spectacles lends the appearance of productive introspection, and buys extra time to figure it out...or talk your way out.

Bar: A sexy, suggestive maneuver that brings attention not just to the eyes, but to other lively areas as well. "The lips and tongue are very tactile, as are the fingertips," says Givens. Suckling the ear of your glasses provides a far more intimate distraction than, say, swigging a shot of Vodka, because your eyes remain fixed on the other person. When you suck your earpiece in front of a woman, you're saying, "Maybe I want you, maybe I don't." (And it's up to her to figure out which.)

BRIDGING THE GAP: SLIDING GLASSES DOWN THE NOSE

Boardroom: Pure intimidation. The glasses slide down the nose, the eyebrows arch, forcing the brow to wrinkle while the head tilts forward and slightly downward. It's an intense sequence of movements that projects unequivocalinterest in the subject and person at hand. "Typically, around the world, when you raise the eyebrows, intensity is magnified," Givens says. "That's not an expression people are going to disagree with."

Bar: A gambit of earnest emotional, and perhaps carnal, interest. Raise your eyes and eyebrows and, thus, her hopes. If she mi-mics the gesture, even without glasses of her own, you may have just been given permi-ssion to take a closer look. Imagine, also, the sheer sexual tension if you're both out-side, in wet bathing suits, and doing this over sunglasses.

CROWNING TOUCH: GLASSES ON HEAD

Boardroom: The classic pregnant pause. You're asked a question, and rather than blurt out an answer or stare into space, you pull off your glasses, consider them for a second or two, place them on the table or your head, and then, when you're ready to answer, put them back on your nose. "A bald pause puts pressure on a situation," Givens says. "This one-two-three gesture takes pressure off. It buys you time and has some drama."

Bar: Placing glasses on your pate, or in your pocket, forecasts a change in mood, or a sway from seriousness to simplicity, even whimsy. It's as popular at after work happy hours as loosened neckties and cold beer. You're saying you've changed gears and you wish you could change your clothes. This may be the perfect time to make eye contact with someone willing to help you do that.

THE RIPOFF: YANKING GLASSES FROM FACE

In any situation, boardroom or bar, suddenly and abruptly removing your glasses can prove as dramatic as bellowing, "What's the meaning of this?" Our favorite spectacle-yanking performance: when Robert Stack rips off his sunglasses in Airplane! to reveal... another pair of sunglasses!

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