The Secret Life of Dad
When you're a kid, your father is a mythical beast—part saint, part action hero, part silverback gorilla. He's bigger, stronger, and smarter than you. He's honest, good-looking, and fiercely protective. He's great at his job and always true to your mom.
By John Melegrito
Or that the beast has been covertly taking on a second back–his secretary's–at the motel. Under the light of your own maturity, the old man begins looking a bit more human.
Savor it. Only now can you understand what makes your father tick—his motivations, his quirks, his misguided dreams. Only now will you be able to learn from his mistakes or know what genetic predispositions await. What follows are interviews with Filipino men between the ages of 20 and 60, guys willing to pull back the father curtain on a public stage. There's not a perfect dad among the fathers here. Perhaps that's why the lessons are so valuable.
DAD SECRET 1
He doesn't know everything
When I was a kid, my dad was a disciplinarian. When we stepped over the line, his belt would always meet our behinds.
I remember when my dad was interrogating me one time. He asked whether I took money from his wallet. Incredibly enough, I was laughing the entire time. He took that as a sign of guilt and he spanked me. He was very furious, and I just kept on sniggering.
I didn't take the money, but I knew who did. He looked ridiculous then, trying to get a confession out of me. So I laughed.
Bobit, 52, GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE
DAD SECRET 2
If you want it, he wants it for you times 10
I was 16 then, fresh off high school. I always dreamt of going into the army—I was adventurous and I wanted action. Plus, being in the military sounded cool to me. I passed the Philippine Military Academy examinations and was set to take the medical examinations in a few days' time.
A friend of my dad's, an enlisted man just like my father, paid him a visit. They talked a lot. I followed my dad to the gate as he walked his friend out. Before his friend left, my dad told him about me passing the test. He looked at me. I could see the pride in his eyes. I was his son, and he was damn proud of me.
Unfortunately, I didn't get in the military because of a heart problem. And I have never seen him so terribly disappointed.
Ed, 49, BUSINESSMAN
DAD SECRET 3
Sometimes, there are things he just couldn't do
When I was young, everything seemed fine and under control. I cared little about my future and felt secure. Dad pampered us with education, a comfortable lifestyle and all the things that we fancied. Of course, being the child that I was, I thought it would always be that way.
Cancer crept into my father's life. He was getting old, and I knew he was going to die. I realized I was not prepared to face what would ensue after his death. One supper, he told us, “You have many enemies; people who want to wrest our properties from you, people who envy your standard of living. I want to protect you forever, but I cannot, so brace yourselves.”
My dad died soon after that, and it changed my life drastically.
Angelo, 20, BUSINESSMAN
DAD SECRET 4
He gets scared too
My mom wanted a divorce. It was one of the perils of having a parent abroad and unfortunately, we couldn't do anything about it. Long-distance relationships on the verge of destruction are never fixed by lengthy telephone conversations.
My dad was one of the worst hit. Sometimes, I would just see him look out the window, saying nothing. In his silence, you can see nothing but sadness in his eyes. Our family is deteriorating and he can't do anything about it.
Jared, 21, FREELANCE WRITER
My father slept with his secretary when his company went for their teambuilding. He broke it off before anything serious happened. However, the secretary started wanting more from him. She'd call our house, putting a baby's voice on the phone, demanding that he pay for the child's education; she'd send us text messages about how many women my father has slept with in the office; even to the point of sending us the baptismal certificate of his supposed lovechild.
A paternity test disproved her claim with finality, but not after my father lost 30 pounds and his usually normal blood pressure rose to 140/80. He knew that eventually, we'd ask whether what his secretary claimed was true. Turns out, he put off mentioning it to anyone, including my mother, for six months because he was scared out of his wits that our family might crumble if we found out the truth.
Tim, 25, PROGRAMMER
DAD SECRET 5
He cares even if he doesn't know how to show it
It was about 10 years ago and I didn't understand why my dad was not so keen on showing affection. It's not that he doesn't hug me once in a while or kiss me on the forehead. It's just that during the times when I felt it really mattered, he tended to be aloof.
I was in a contest then, and I was supposed to read a short story to our whole batch. It was very nerve-wracking and I was too tense. I wanted my dad to be there. Unfortunately, when it was my turn to step up, I didn't see his face in the crowd.
I'm not really sure if I didn't win because I lost heart or I just wasn't good enough, but sometimes when I look back, I still wish that my dad was there. Every time I asked him about it, he told me of the times that he did go, and I shouldn't be so stuck with one particular event. He may be right, but still…
Edward, 22, CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE
I was still in elementary then and I was forced with a decision to either repeat a year or to transfer to a public school so I wouldn't be delayed. I also took an achievement test where it says that I could pass off as a first year high school student, practically two years ahead of where I was then, a grade 5 student.
My dad was pushing me to go to a public school and get accelerated. But I stuck to repeating a year, which he thought of as a bad decision. I could have been working, earning my own money, instead of studying in my second year in college. He still nags me about it.
He probably wants me to succeed in life earlier than everybody else, but I still believe my decision was much wiser.
Kendrick, 20, STUDENT
DAD SECRET 6
He's thisclose to smacking you one
I was 13 and rebellious. My parents and I got into a row about something, I don't really remember what. But I said something that insulted my mom and my dad loomed over me before I finished the sentence. He was shaking and it looked like he wanted to punch me square in the jaw. But he restrained himself and I got off with a warning and a really lengthy grounding from computer games and going out.
James, 29, SALESMAN
» Guy Wisdom archive
Men's Health Philippines - June 2007 Issue
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"I want to protect you forever, but I cannot, so brace yourselves." |
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