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Get Over Her
Be strong and take the breakup like a man. Here's how, from the best-selling author of He's Just Not That Into You
By Greg Behrendt
Styling: Kathy Kalafut, Hair: Alex Dizon/Artists by Timothy Priano,
Makeup: Amy Komorowski/Arthouse, Only Hearts Panties
I was so good during the day. I'd go to work, go for a run, hang out rocking the Xbox, hardly think about her at all. But then night would come, tequila would be slammed, and loneliness would sidle up and offer me the use of its cellphone. Without warning, I'd be calling Courtney in hopes of getting her back.
"Didn't our nine months together mean anything? Wasn't the sex great? What kind of underwear are you wearing?" And I would have asked her those questions, had I not been so drunk I couldn't form coherent syllables. Or if I'd actually been talking to her instead of the operator at the front desk of the hip hotel she was staying in all the way across the country. With her new boyfriend.
At that point, I had no idea that my relationship wreckage would one day fuel my career. Working as a writer for Sex and the City, I came up with the blunt line a guy delivers as the girls are struggling to understand why a male character didn't try to hook up with one of them (Miranda, if you've seen it). The line: "He's just not that into you." This simple sentence turned from a line in a script into a national catchphrase into an advice book for women into an appearance on Oprah by my writing partner and me, giving advice as bona fide relationship experts.
Oh, I was an expert, all right. And I had talked to plenty of men and women about their breakups, mostly to commiserate about mine. Eventually, I actually started to listen. And patterns became apparent. The result was another book: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.
So, to every man whose woman has crushed his heart with a mallet, let me be blunt, again: She's gone, man. Let go, move on. Use my guide.
1. INITIATE "SHE-TOX."
No contact of any kind, starting right now, not tomorrow. First, lose her number. Really. Erase it from your cellphone, home phone, and bat phone. Now add her e-mail address to your spam filter. What you don't see won't tempt you to contact her.
Of course, at some point—a point usually coinciding with last call at Dooley's pub—you'll get a jones to call her. Before you drunk-dial: Think of three bad things about the relationship, or her. Weird? Maybe, but it worked for Brian, 29, an accountant in New York City who broke up with his live-in girlfriend of two years. "For every good thing that came into my mind," he says, "I would think of a negative thing. And eventually, when I realized there were more negative memories than positive ones, my disgust overtook my nostalgia. It helped that the negative things were far fresher in my mind, since they had happened toward the end."
Next step: Declare any location you used to frequent together a no-fly zone. Find a new coffee shop or bar or gym. It's tough, but keep in mind, your new locations come equipped with a new pool of women to meet.
Moreover, by not seeing, calling, texting, e-mailing, or risking a chance encounter, you are sending a silent message that says, "I'm okay and am moving on without you." And that's the message you want to send, even if you're on the floor of your apartment wrapped around an empty party ball.
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Men's Health Philippines - January 2006 Issue
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