The Sex You Deserve
Even after all these years, we still don't totally understand women. But we have learned a few things—54 things, to be exact. Your job is to memorize each and every one
Photographs by Jason Tablante
Best Gifts For Her
First, Tell Her What She Wants to Hear
The top three things women like to hear most from men are...
1. "I can't wait to see you."
2. "I love waking up with you."
3. "I brought you something."
Find Something at the Last Minute
Stop at a drugstore. Buy a decorative gift bag and stuff it with as many bath products as you can find (bubble bath, sponge, shampoo, lotion). Attach a note that says, "Tonight, your body is in my hands." Flash your eye-brows, wink, and head for the bath. (She'll faint with pleasure, especially if you've cleaned the tub, too.)
Go to a video store and rent the first movie you ever watched together at a theater. She'll be so touched you remember that she won't even notice that this gift cost you squat. Make popcorn, drink wine, and see if that old stretch-your-arm-around-her-shoulder trick still works.
Pick her up after work, but don't tell her where you're going. Then take her on a tour of places that are special to the two of you—the bar where you had your first date, the park where you dropped the L-bomb, the parking lot where you dropped your virginity. At each spot, reminisce about your relationship. Memories are almost as good for her as ESPN Classic is for you.
How to Boost Your Penis Power
Exercise Control
Kegels are exercises that give some men stiffer erections and more control over ejaculation by strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor. Here's the program: First, find the right muscles: the ones you use to stop your urine flow. Then squeeze and hold them tight. Half of your contractions can be brief; hold the rest for three seconds. No one will know you're doing Kegels, so you can do them anywhere. Start with a few and work toward 200 a day. After doing Kegels for a few months, your pelvic muscles will be strong enough to prevent ejaculation if you squeeze them just before the urge to ejaculate.
Put Some Jelly on Your Head
If condoms reduce your sensation too much, try putting a dab of water-based lubricant (such as K-Y Jelly) or spermicidal jelly on the head of your penis before donning the condom. The lubricant will create a more natural-feeling sensation. Never use oil-based lubricants such as petroleum jelly, baby oil, or mineral oil. They can destroy latex.
Lick Erection Problems
A healthy man normally has from three to five erections while sleeping, though these decrease in frequency after age 50 or so. Presumably, all the psychological and emotional stresses surrounding sex are absent when you're asleep. So if you're getting good nocturnal erections, any performance problems you're having are psychological. To run a systems check on your equipment, wrap postage stamps around the base of your penis and secure the ends together. If the stamps are torn along a perforation the next morning, everything is working correctly. If you wake up in a post office in Batanes, someone has played a cruel joke on you.
Smell Her Buns
It's not the smell of fancy perfume or coconut suntan lotion that turns men on. It's the scent of baked cinnamon buns. That was the conclusion of neurologists following a unique experiment in which they monitored penile bloodflow in 25 medical students while the students sniffed different smells. The experimenters exposed the students to a wide range of fragrances, from lily-of-the-valley to rose to musk, but found that cinnamon buns turned men on most. The scents of pumpkin pie, doughnuts, and black licorice also ranked high. Researchers speculate the smells may evoke a nostalgic memory that relaxes a man, making him more aware of sexual cues.
Don't Take Viagra with a Big Meal
To avoid turning your little blue pill into an expensive Lifesaver, wait at least 90 minutes after a lavish dinner to take it. High-fat foods prevent you from fully absorbing Viagra. Men who complained that Viagra didn't work usually had taken it soon after a fatty meal.
» Sex archive
Men's Health Philippines - May 2007 Issue
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4 NEW PLACES TO DO IT
On the Washer
Your washing machine produces more vibration than any other appliance in your home. Problem is, most people don't use it right. You should be the one with your butt on the lid. The motion will be transmitted through your pelvis, essentially turning your member into a life-size vibrator. Run a warm-water load so the top won't be cold.
In the Vault
To really add some spice to your sex life, make a quick stop at your bank. A safe-deposit-box room is quiet, the door is locked, and there's no camera. It's a great place to make a deposit and withdraw.
In a Beanbag Chair
A beanbag chair is great for sex. You can contour it to any shape, and it'll support you in ways you're not accustomed to. Doggy-style sex works great when she's on her belly, draped over the amorphous blob (the chair, not you). Stick a couple of thick books under the bag to prevent sinking in too far.
During Christmas at the In-Laws'
There's only one thing that might make the marathon holiday family visits bearable: a little covert sex. Here's the best way to pull it off: Bring the kids' gifts—wrapped, but in a bag. Say you haven't wrapped them yet and duck into a spare room. Have fun with the bows.
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